Dude...

And so this morning we find our Intrepid Heroine evaluating her life and discovering that she's too nice.

The Girl does not leave her laptop, except for trips to the bathroom and to scavenge food. Trying to get her to take another college course, practice driving a car, or even get outside for five minutes so that sunlight might touch her face, is like trying to raise the dead.

The Boy and The Baby have been ready on time to catch the bus in the morning a total of about one week out of nine.

A clean bedroom in my house is an urban legend. These days, I settle for "no visible cups or crisp packets." I think these kids would qualify for intervention from the television programme, "Hoarders."

Unless I pitch a fit, the dishes and clean laundry get left where I leave them, to be randomly picked through until nothing's left but knives and mismatched socks.

Clearly, something must be done to fix this, even just a little bit. Oddly enough, bribing my kids with money in exchange for doing dishes, putting their own laundry away, or even just pulling the blanket up on the bed has never been successful. Grounding the children also doesn't work, as they enjoy taking naps as much as they enjoy playing Guitar Hero. A new plan must be implemented, one that hasn't been used before, one that is sure to get their attention.

I have the solution: Air Horn.