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  • Fun with Bullets!

    The actual story is here. But lemme sum up:

    A Navy Sailor was trolling online trading insults with an online persona who dared to refer to the Sailor as a 'nerd.' Like that's a bad thing. Anyhoo, the Sailor immediately takes official time off from work in order to visit his family, and on the way there he stops off in Texas and burns the other guy's trailer down.

    Interesting, to be sure. But it all sounds so bad, doesn't it?

    I think the story has more life if one utilizes a writing technique called "bulleting" to tell the tale. "Bullets" are often used in military performance evaluations.
    They are not complete sentences, just fragments of ego-puffing fluff designed to make even the slackingest slacker look pretty good. The most mundane and/or unimportant actions are tarted up, turning a boring fiscal year of coffee making and lunch runs into National Importance.

    So, in the grand tradition of at least the US military and Department of Defense, I give you:

    Fun with Bullets

    "posted photos online showing the welcome signs at several states' borders" becomes
    -accurately documents time-sensitive mission events
    "obtained [the victim's] real name and hometown from [a] web page" becomes
    -demonstrates ingenuity in fact-finding
    -finds quickest solution to mission problems
    "....took leave from his post....and started driving" becomes
    -follows protocol and regulations to the letter
    "....caught up with [the Sailor] after talking with people in several states and Spain..." becomes
    -a real "people" person
    "....was sentenced to seven years in prison after pleading no contest to arson and admitting he set the blaze" becomes
    -responsible; a future leader
    See how fun that is? Bullets turn any bad situation into a great one!


    Beav said...

    He may have been looking for me. Early in my career, in a performace feedback, I was called "an Airman to be immolated."

    No lie.

    Soo Mi said...

    D-aaaaaamn. I think that one's a 'GED FTW,' dude. You must have been so proud to have a rater that smart. Bet you felt like a total looser, eh?

    At least you got to see your evals. I was never shown mine; I have no idea how I rated on any of them, not that there were many, but still.

    Beav said...

    That wasn't an eval...that was a PFW. If your rater gets around to doing one, you'll see it.

    As it was, I was quite pleased with it. But then, I find inappropriate pleasure in things:

    Someone I work with told me the story of when she found out her estranged husband was gay. She asked if he knew when they got married; he replied "I kind of always knew." As soon as she said that, I said "That's so cool! You were a beard!" (camouflage for a gay person) It took me a minute to realize that "cool" was not something she'd like to hear.

    Soo Mi said...

    That's why people like you and me have rather bizarre friends, and this pleases us tremendously. People who more closely fit the description, "normal," don't get us, never will get us, and probably shouldn't get us.

    Anonymous said...

    Ok Ms Bulletwriter....write me a shit hot bullet using slackingest...

    So I should assume that I am bizarre??