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  • Accidentally Retarded

    I am literally a mess of phobias. The short list starts like this:

    • fear of the dark
    • fear of forests
    • fear of wide open spaces
    • fear of crowds
    • fear of falling
    • fear of dark waters

    and continues on until I start looking up therapists again. One thing I'm not afraid of is the number 13. I think that's just plain silly.

    However, of all the things I'm afraid of, nothing--and I mean absolutely nothing--terrifies me more than an eight-legged freak of nature, that thing called "spider."

    I regularly embarrass myself over them. My father-in-law didn't believe in my phobia and pulled a prank on me by picking up a dust bunny, pretending it was a spider, and then tossing it at me. My mother-in-law says that in 40+ years of marriage to him, I'm the first person she's ever known who has been issued an apology by him. Also, in front of friends,--as an adult, mind--I've climbed a trampoline while screaming like Fay Wray to escape the dirty beggars. Don't get me started on how the kids have tortured me.

    So a few days ago, I saw an entry on Fark about a spider lamp. A few days later, my curiosity decides to kill a cat and I click the comments link.

    I will never sleep again.


    Dan said...

    You should fear popsicles. I mean, let's face it, with a fear of popsicles, you're pretty much guaranteed a spot on the comfy couch.

    Personally, the only thing I fear is fear. Because, you know, some bastard said we have to.

    Soo Mi said...

    but-but-but! Popsicles are our friends!

    I actually haven't had one in years. I buy them for the kiddies, but I don't eat them myself.

    Great. Now I have a craving. This sucks.

    Beav said...

    Hon, why on earth...? Never mind. I hope you get it out of your mind soon.


    Anonymous said...

    Your going to love country living. : o
    Wasps kill spiders pretty cool to watch them.
    We just hatched out some predator wasps on a tomato worm.
    I know folks that moved here from DC. They cary 2 cans of yard gaurd in holsters.
    Can you handle mice and rats?
    I told everone Skillet Lady only kept me around to kill spiders and reach the stuff on the top shelves.
    MASH a few of the hairy bastards and you'll over come your fear.
    I let'em live.
    Brown Recluse are very nasty.

    My daughter loves creepy crawly stuff.
    We keep a Eastern Hog Nose snake for her.
    It only eats toads not kids, DAMN IT! : P


    Soo Mi said...

    Mister has his uses, and deleting the creepy-crawlies is one of them. He's well-trained in that department.

    As for country living, that's one sacrifice I'll make to give my kids deeper roots. It may be easier to handle once we've built our eco-dream, which will resemble the Addams Family house from TV. It really would seem something of a crime if there weren't a few critters, eh?

    I actually like mice and snakes. Rats are kinda creepy, but I'll take them over ferrets any day.

    About those neighbors: I used to live just outside The Beltway in DC. You have my sympathy. But give them time--they may just un-citify themselves. Hell might freeze over first, but... :P

    Anonymous said...

    They got use to my traget shooting on sundays after 12 noon.
    I try to be nice about my subtance abuse ( Gun Powder )
    Some even came over to my range to shoot some. Its safe. No lead flying all over hells half acres.
    Let's the crimials know some are armed around here.
    And will KILL'EM !
    Don't want to but.... Family come first. ; )
    Our place is more like Green Acres from the 60s TV show or Ma & Pa Kettle.
    But of phone is inside our home ? I'll have ta git around ta fixn that some day.
    A Sussex county word is (summmer) meaning (some where) We had hard time getn use to that one.

    Soo Mi said...

    Well, at least you never have to be fixin t'carry someone to the stow-er. I'll have to get used to that.

    That, and hearing, "Oooh, you're not from 'round here, are you?" I can't understand how they'd get that idea. It can't be the accent.

    Anonymous said...

    I have a pet spider, I will bring him with me...